The Art of Distraction

I would say that I win the medal this week for "Most Distracted Mommy!"  That is, only if the criteria are as follows:
1. Sends forks to school in children's cold lunches to eat soup with.
2. Goes to violin store to have string replaced on child's violin and almost falls up the steps because was not aware of the very large cat sitting quite proudly on the second step.
3. Locks keys in car while children are in car - so in order to gain re-entry, must allow for car alarm to scream through the parking lot.
4. Becomes very confused at the "remodeling restroom" signs in big box store, goes ahead and uses the one with "women" painted on the door, but then while washing hands, looks behind only to discover urinals. Hmmm... what did that sign say?
5. And the grand daddy criteria: backs minivan into very nice car in parking lot of big box store.  Says a string of four letter words, hoping that only the barnyard ones were the ones used.  So distracted - can't quite remember.

Silver Lining:  No one was hurt and I now know a lot more about my insurance policy.

Happy March

This will be quick - but it does deserve at least one entry into the blog.  My husband returned from a trip to California (business) last week.  The next day was to be "our day" - a day of no duties, chores - just me and the guy I chose.  After a quick trip to the school to drop the children off - we were supposed to be off and on our way for a fun adventure...
As I am putting the finishing touches of make-up on my face (the first I have worn since Christmas), I hear my partner in life bellow from the bedroom, " What the &**$!?  Whose cr_p is this in MY suitcase????"  Some more explicatives... and then "Holy &*!@^ - I grabbed the WRONG bag from the luggage carousel!!!"  So after an hour on the phone with his new friend the recorded voice who takes concerns from passengers - we were off to the airport... for "our day."  Which means we had time for a lunch together (by the airport) and a quick glance at some furniture.  Not quite the "Home and Garden Show" I had dreamed of.  Good thing I'm a good natured sort.
The best part of the whole quagmire is this - my husband has been "gifted" with SO much confidence - that he actually thought initially that someone had put their stuff in HIS suitcase... (I suppose it's possible for another business man to stow away in the baggage compartment (sacrificing the need to breathe) of the airplane all for the sole purpose of exchanging his items for another man's belongings  - just for fun?)  Hmmm...
Silver Lining:
I get to go back to my favorite violin store (the one by the KNIFE SALE) tomorrow on a quest for a new D string... good times...

Things we are oblivious to...

I'm wondering: Is being oblivious better or worse than being ignorant?  Oblivious sounds like a much nicer version of ignorance.  The saying should be: "Obliviousness is bliss." But that's quite difficult for those of us who are blessed with the ever-so-slight hint of a lisp.
Still, I think I'd rather be oblivious - and this is why: It gets you off the hook for missing something - ignorance places you directly on the hook and then stares you down.
Things I am oblivious to:
1. people with mean agendas - I was in complete shock when someone stole my hubcaps in college
2. the fact that a paint stirring stick actually has one side of it shaped to be used as a handle - who knew?
3. the disorganization of my refrigerator - you can put mustard in the crisper if the door is full - right?
4. the existence of the mail carrier - I could go days without checking my mail if it weren't for the little people that cohabitate with me
5. my running shorts - I wore them inside out on a walk around my neighborhood once - pockets flapping and everything - no idea.
6. criminals -   in high school, a girl (that evidently had a rap sheet - or at least her fingerprints on record at some county jail) surprised me in the library by popping up out of nowhere in my face and telling me that she was going to "smack the blankity blank snot out of me if I didn't stop giving her blankity blank dirty looks."  I had never seen that girl in my life before our lovely encounter - not once - however, I had just been fitted with contacts that weren't quite working for me and that caused me to blink quite a bit and open my eyes in odd contortions quite regularly. Must have been contorting in her direction.  Bad eyesight goes hand in hand with obliviousness - just so happens, I suffer from both.  I didn't end up getting mamed in the library - but I did start to embrace my glasses more - and eventually ditched the contacts - probably saved my life.

Silver Lining: I don't ever have to mow our lawn again - turns out I was oblivious to some small shrubbery and the lines that make your lawn look like a checkerboard golf course.  Being oblivious has its advantages.

Middle age bites...

"You're still pretty good..." said the third grader as he walked over to where the mom was washing dishes.  "Hmm... what do you mean?" asked the mom.  "You know because you are in the 40s now," he replies.  "What?" asked the mom.  "Mom, I mean you can still get me - I'm not too fast for you yet - you know, you're still really active," says the third grader with a hint of frustration.  "Oh, you mean I'm still pretty alive for being 40?"  Wow... that was a hit... thought the 40 year old mom... with a hint of frustration...
"Well, when Dad wrestles us, he just sort of tickles us.  When you wrestle us, you really try to get me - and you're better at it than Dad," explains the third grader.  Ahhh... now the mom feels kind of old... but not as old as her husband.
Oh - and the wrestling thing - the mom only wrestles kids in the snow when they put snow down the back of her coat.

Silver Lining: Good thing the mom can still see well enough to type - even though she's already 40.

Valentine's Day

Describe your best Valentine's Day
Hmmm... I guess my answer to that is - any of my 39 Valentine's Days that DID'NT involve awkward dinners or gifts from dates who were just as disillusioned as I was - or anything involving the consumption of red beer out of quart size cups.
Actually, my favorite Valentines came from my Grandpa.  He would come up with a new idea each year and always hand-deliver them.  I still have one that he made from a sheet of copper.  He cut it into the shape of a heart and then engraved a face and a valentinish greeting on it and then signed it: Love RKP (his initials)
I tried to recreate this project for him and my Grandma the following year - however using a piece of scrap metal without the engraving tool - didn't produce the same results - so after incurring a small gash on my pinky - I resorted to a piece of material and a marker.  Nothing says "I Love You" like a wrinkled remnant of lavender corduroy with a bumpy message on it.
Happy Valentine's Day!

Silver Lining: The photo to the right depicts my son singing a Valentine song to me when he was in first grade - is there a better costume that depicts love?

Cub Scouts

Is it ok to want to deck a cub scout?  Just wondering.  After a near-death, fire abudanza (ok - just some wavy flames) involoving some sugared up cub scouts and the redirection of a special needs child at the Blue and Gold Banquet - I quietly decided it was time to blow out the ceremonial candles on the stage.  As I was probably saving children from a possibly harrowing experience, a more seasoned cub scout approached me and asked if I was supposed to blow those out.  Hmmm.  I don't know - how attached are you to your eyebrows? Instead, I replied quite politely with, "Yes, I'm afraid someone might get hurt."  Looking at me straight into the depth of my soul, he replies quite confidently, "You didn't do it properly."
So repeat the first question of this paragraph to yourself again and decide for yourself.

Silver Lining: The ten year old with the confidence of a mongoose lived to see another day - unscathed.

birds

So we are on our way to gymnastics and I am startled by, "Mom! There's a hawk!  There's another one!!"  Yeah, wow - hawks are big - good eyes kids, I say.  A few beats later, "Is it illegal to kill birds?" the third grader wonders.  Without hesitation, the kindergartener answers, "Well, Joseph, it depends on what you are, right Mom?"  Hmm?  "You know, like if you're a bear or something, it's not illegal, right, Mom?"
Yes, Maya, it's not illegal if you are a bear to kill a bird.  That's how animals survive - by eating other animals sometimes.
".... Mom? Do we have bears by gymnastics?"
Only on Wednesdays, Maya, when there's a special at the gym for bears only - you know, to get their exercise so they can kill more birds...
No wonder my kids are goofy - they have to put up with me.
Back to the painting I started well over a week ago...