Tuesday, November 9, 2010

What Are You Lookin' At?

     Every morning, I seem to have "company" with me in the bathroom.  Doesn't really matter what I'm doing or how much clothing I am wearing - or not wearing... it just seems to be the rule:  When Mama's in the loo - it's a party and everyone is invited.  Why is this?  I don't remember taking vows that prohibit privacy... or making a big sign that says: Come on in!  You may ask: why don't you just lock the door?  I do.  But it is easily unlocked with the slight twist and turn of a bobby pin - which the children readily learned after a young guest locked himself in and couldn't remember how to unlock the door.
     So here I am again.  Towel on.  Applying make-up.  The audience curiously and quietly stares at me as I put on my mascara.  Then, at once, both audience members announce as though they have just discovered a rare treasure, "Mom! Your eye is going cross-eyed!  Who are you looking at... me or him...?  Or are you just using one of your eyes to do the make-up and the other one to check on us?!"  As luck would have it, I am the proud owner of one lazy left eye.  This is not new information - nor is it the first time this fact has been proclaimed with enthusiasm as I am getting ready in the morning.  So, because of my lack of a sense of humor about it for the moment - or wanting to re-explain this common condition again, I reply, "Yeah, when I was little, my parents lost me at the circus and one of the clowns found me and asked if I could do any tricks.  So I told the clown I had magic eyes that can watch naughty children while also applying make-up.  He wanted me to join the circus, but just then my mom and dad found me... so I never got to have my own circus act."  Both kids just stared at me without saying a word .  But sure enough, thirteen seconds went by and they were on to the next order of business, like can they have a piece of candy in their lunch and should they wear a jacket or not, and can they start a rock collection right now.  Soon enough, they cleared out and I finished my daily routine.
     Today was my day to drive the carpool in the morning.  As we picked up our rider, the usual conversation began about what silly bands to trade and whether or not there might be a science experiment at school today.  Then, quite abruptly, my six year old announced, "My mom used to be in the circus because she has a crazy creepy eye and she used to watch naughty kids and put on clown make-up at the same time!"  And then the nine year old chimes in, "Yeah... it totally creeps me out... Mom, do your eyes that funny way for Ryan!"  And Ryan replies, "Dude, you should totally share that for your sharing today!"
     Great.  Not only is my sarcasm lost on my morning audience, but now I'm also going to be known among the entire fourth grade as "The Creepy-Eyed Freak Show Mom."  It's time for this mama to find and then hide all the bobby pins in the house, and reclaim a few private moments to have my circus show all to myself.

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