Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Snake Ninja

So I pulled in the garage, get out, and realized I had company.  Uninvited company, that is.  As I was slinging my purse over my shoulder, I looked over to the empty stall.  Crictor the Boa Constrictor had joined me for some morning coffee evidently.  Actually, it was not a big squeezing snake - just a good sized garter snake.  Now what?  I called my mom.  That's what you're supposed to do, right?  She asked if I had a rake handy.  I think because of her dislike for slinking reptiles, she was suggesting I get a little more "assertive" with the snake than I had planned.  I then informed her that I didn't really want random snake parts in my garage.  Yes.  We both agreed that the push broom route would be better.

This whole time, the snake had not moved.  It was just lying there close to the garage door.  I was afraid that if I pushed the opener, it would startle and slink into some other hard to get to crevice in my garage.  So I cleared a path around the bikes, air compressor, and wheel barrow, kept the broom firmly gripped in my hand and was visualizing myself as a snake ninja.  I figured once I hit the button, I could Kung Fu Panda my way from the stairs to the opposite side of the garage and sweep the little critter right out the door.

Good plan.  Everything was set.  I hit the button, jumped off the stair, leaped over the folded up Slip n Slide, and like a thief in the night, I was face to face with the enemy.  I realized the snake had still not moved.  Was it dead?  All these theatrics for a dead snake?  I moved in closer. Nothing.  One more step.  Maybe I should just kick it.  Just then I noticed the teensy weensy tongue waving a teensy tiny wave.  Houston, we have a problem.  It is alive and now I am entirely too close to use the push broom effectively!  I must carefully back up, so that I can get the broom in front of me.  What if it gets all defensive and slinks up around the broom handle?  Does that happen? 

Okay, I'm set.  I began to push the snake out the door.  As soon as the bristles touched it, it went all up into a ball.  So I pushed it further out the door - I didn't seem to be getting the trajectory I wanted, so now I was literally in the drive way playing hockey with a snake ball.  I went a little wacko because I couldn't seem to stop pushing it away.  Just then the garbage truck pulled up to take away the week's garbage.  I didn't even notice.  I was in a snake ball trance.  Then I heard, "I think you got him!"  Meaning: Drop the broom and walk away from the snake, psycho.

Crisis averted.  All is well... until this morning.  Joseph is out in the front waiting for his ride to school and I hear, "Mom!!  He's back!  He's by the bricks... no, wait!  Ugh!  Mom, he went into the GARAGE!!!

I think that snake is just hard up for more entertainment.

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