What exactly does it take to get thrown out of a toy store? And consequently banished from all others of that same chain? Here are the steps you must take:
1. Foolishly buy something from that toy store's website.
2. Give it to your child in the anticipation that it will be the one toy that they will remember forever and ever - the one they will tell stories about to their children.
3. Observe that it does not work.
4. Pack up the family on a cold night and schlep them all into the store with you and head directly to Customer Service.
5. Begin a polite conversation with Toy Store "team member" about how you ordered the toy and now the toy doesn't work, and ask for a replacement toy or a reimbursement. Easy, right?
6. After the team member informs you that anything bought off their website cannot be returned directly to their store and that they do not offer reimbursement, become tense and talk with authority.
7. Ask to speak with their supervisor.
8. After the supervisor tells you that you will have to call other stores in the same chain around the metro area to see if they have what you want, (here's the kicker) ask them if you can use their phone to do so.
9. When they tell you they won't allow you to use their phone, tell them this: "This is the stupidest #@!* store I've ever been to and your policy on returns stinks - I will be making a call to your corporate headquarters!"
10. Listen while the supervisor asks for security to come up front to the desk on his walkie talkie.
11. Loudly whistle at your wife and kids who are innocently milling about the store looking at all the treasures, and make a rather overt head motion at them which means, "Let's go - we're blowin' out of here because this store stinks and we are never coming back!"
12. Get in the car with crying children and kindly explain that Santa shopped here by mistake.
There you have it - a simple 12 step program to getting yourself and your family banished from the one and only toy store chain in the tri-state area.