Monday, May 17, 2010

Anyone for chopping, dicing, or shredding?

So it's my mom's birthday last week and we are out doing what birthday girls do - you know, things like schlepping around a department store trying out hip reading glasses, putting on silly winter hats that are on clearance and my all time favorite - bra shopping.  So you already know this day is going to rock!  With a start like that?  Can't go wrong.  Well, while my mom and I are giggling and making fun of each other, my dad is actually doing some worthwhile shopping.  When we are reunited at the cosmetics counter, my dad says, "Hey, I think I know what we should get for your birthday!  How about a new 7- cup Pro Food Processor??"  Oh, yeah - now we are giddy - this is gonna be great!!
So, with eyes all aglow, we purchase the heavily attachment induced appliance and head out the door with smiles all around - what could be better??!"
The moment we hit the front door, we are unpacking and inspecting, looking for fantastic new recipes and envisioning ourselves as the next Martha Stewart of Easy One Step Food Prep!  A-ha!  There is even a DVD!!!  Well, we must watch this - it surely is our ticket to an easy street life complete with no-hassle, one touch button operation, easy clean-up, and a happy family!
So now I have my recently purchased food processor out as well and we are ready for a chop-o-matic fiesta!  We watch the 7- Cup Pro Food Processor Chef carefully as he shows us the proper use of each attachment with all of its wonders.  Then we are quick to decide what we are going to make and who will do what.  A trip to the grocery market is in order, and then we are quickly back to work.  Here is the menu: basil pesto for the salmon and new potatoes we will prepare for supper, delicious, fresh salsa made with fresh ingredients, and for the piece de resistance: apple, pear, blueberry pie made with light as a feather, flaky pastry - that we will create on our very own with our 7 Cup Pro Food Processor!
The whirring begins.  There is slicing, shredding, chopping, dicing and julienning - it's a sharp item addict's dream!  Presto! The pesto is complete - now on to the salsa!  Yum - another item finished!
It seems there is a bit of confusion with the pie recipe - yes, we will refer to the DVD.  No problem - we are back on track.  OK, our pace has begun to slow, but we are not beaten.  We press on.  A little more distress with the pie - no matter, we are champions of chopping - we will persevere.  The phone rings - and I am now officially on break... for about an hour.
I return to the kitchen and this is what I find: my mom dusted with flour from head to toe, a mountain of several sliced fruits piled on the island, pastry dough that looks as though we made it out of play-dough lopped over a "pie" of epic proportions, and an array of attachments strewn from one end of the kitchen to the other.  And worst of all, my mother is on the brink of tears and politely asks me if she can just lie down for a moment.
As any good daughter would do, I graciously excuse my exhausted mother from the kitchen and begin my comedy routine - because as we all know - there's no crying in baseball and there's certainly no crying while making pies!  At the end of it all my mom and I are laughing so hard that we are crying - as we mock the
 "I Couldn't Get a Job as a Real Chef "actor with the stupid chef's hat on who can supposedly use just one finger to prepare a feast fit for gods!  The laughter continues as my rather subdued mother proclaims where she'd like to "stick that hat!"
As you can probably guess, the 7 Cup Pro Food Processors have been shoved far back into the depths of darkness in a cupboard where they can cause no consternation... until of course, we choose to amaze our friends and family once again with the one step wonder.

Silver Lining: I do love a good laugh served with sliced food! And the pie was a nice dessert diversion from our regular "have a piece of fruit for dessert" routine.


  1. Mom told me this weekend she wondered if this would all end up in your blog. She thinks it was funny, too.

  2. You rock at writing...I can totally visualize the entire fiasco. I suppose it helps that I've known you and your parents for 36 years...Thanks again for the laugh!

  3. Jules, don't you remember the brownie incident?!? You should stay away from the kitchen, hehehe your cousin who loves cowboys:) love you