I know where you can go to get a complimentary facial. I know this because I received one today, without even requesting this service. Follow these steps carefully, and you too, could be the lucky recipient of a special effervescent treat.
1. Be in a hurry for no good reason.
2. Stop off for a car wash even though you are in a hurry for no good reason.
3. Don't pay any attention to the car already getting "The Elite" wash in the bay ahead of you.
4. Quickly, roll down your window to select your wash and pay your money.
5. Slide your debit card into the wrong receptacle - the one where "Speedy Car Members" ONLY put
their reward cards.
6. Be annoyed... and a little nervous.
7. Make sure your entire upper torso is now out of the window trying to diffuse this debit card melee.
8. When you hear the unmistakable sound of a horn honking, look up and face the car ahead of you that is presently receiving the "Total Turtle Misting Rinse."
9. Wait for a gust of wind.
10. Aah... enjoy the benefits of misty droplets that smell like cherry chap stick spraying your face.
Another quick tip for fresh breath:
Make sure to adjust the strength of the new automatic air freshener you just purchased while holding it so the nozzle is pointing directly at you. Then inadvertently yawn and enjoy the clean, crisp flavor of a mountain spring.