Monday, March 21, 2011

The Royal Hulk

It's spring break - why not see if any of the spring clothes fit the kids?  Something will surely carry over from early fall - like a couple of shirts or shorts or something - right?  Well, unbeknownst to me, my kids grew freakishly taller and larger than they were in October.  It was like an episode of The Incredible Hulk - except they didn't turn green of course - more like red or pink.  Every piece of clothing they tried on - including shoes and socks - seemed to be squealing in pain each time they were pulled over a gigantic head or yanked on to what seemed to be giraffe legs.  How did this happen?  Some of the outfits looked like costumes for circus performers who had no budget for such items.  After snaking Maya out of one blouse, I noticed she had little indentions on her chest where the buttons had been!
So... off we trudged on the dreaded shopping trip.  You'd think I was asking them to chew off one of their limbs.  They HATE shopping for clothing.  I have only stamina enough to endure this with one child at a time.  I figure they have to be along for the first trip to at least establish their new size.  So the seven year old drew the short straw and begrudgingly plodded along behind me, while the ten year old skipped over to the book aisle with his dad.  This is what followed:
Do you like this one, Honey?
No, I mean, if I buy it, will you wear it?
I don't know... if you want me too...
Let's start again.  Here's how it's going to go, Pippy Longstocking:  I will hold something up, you will say an emphatic YES or NO.  Got it?
OK... if you say so...
How about I just look in the toys while you figure all of this out, Mom?
Not a chance.
How about these? (holding up some rather stylish shorts)
What size are those, Mom!?  They look like clown shorts!
Well, let's just pop into a dressing room and try on a few sizes so we can be sure.
I feel the same way, Darlin'.

So after a quick change about in the fitting room, we established sizes and styles and I released her to the toy aisle - to keep both of our sanity in tact.  I grabbed a few more items, pondered over some dresses I knew she would wear only under duress, and met up with her by the Zhu Zhu Pets.  She made a sweeping glance at the new clothing items I had placed in the cart, and said, "Good job, Mom."
So now I'm wondering.  Who's in charge here?  I felt as though she had sent me on a quest to gather some trivial belongings for her while she sauntered around the royal playroom.  And now, here she was, handing down a lackluster approval for completion of the quest.
When we arrived back home, there was a short, pathetic discussion about being tired.  I, of course, ignored these comments and went about my merry, royal duties.  After about forty-five minutes, it was eerily quiet.  I decided to go on a quest of my own and locate the "overtaxed" child.  I eventually found her curled up in a ball under a shelf, in our basement storage room - snoring soundly.  When I turned on the light, she awoke and was actually giggling to herself as she was waking up.   We laughed about how in the world she ended up there and how she fell asleep while hiding.  As we were heading up the stairs, she looked back at the store room and said, "Now I know how Cinderella must have felt!"
It has been confirmed.  I am raising a self appointed princess.  I informed her that it would be a while before her prince comes to save her.   To which she answered, "I'm not going off with any old prince!  I'm staying right here with the queen!"
Ah-ha.  Now we're talkin'.

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